The Journey to Fostering

How do you do it?

Wow, you and your husband are awesome, taking all these kids into your home?

It takes special kind of people to do this.

I can’t do what you are doing!  I can’t take care of children I don’t know.

Thank you for all you do for these children!

These are a few of the questions and comments that friends and family have directed to my husband and me over the years. My response to these questions is included in this post. Keep reading! (:

I am a foster mom, or as it's currently termed in my state, a "resource parent," though I really don't like that term… And like some of my fellow foster moms, in my Facebook foster parent support group, I still refer to myself as a "foster parent" or "foster mom".

I take care of children in my home who are in state custody. They are sometimes referred to as "wards of the state" or "foster children" and they range from 0-18 years old. However, in most states, youth in foster care can remain in the system until they turn 21, with a few exceptions.

Since 2016, my husband and I have been foster parents, caring and advocating for more than 20 children in state custody, aged from 6 weeks to 12 years. We took a break from 2020 to 2022 when his job with the military required a transfer to Germany. This pause was a much-needed opportunity for our family to regroup and rejuvenate especially with the whole pandemic outbreak. Currently, I am a foster mom to 3 amazing kiddos, a sibling group.

How it all started!

People have asked on occasion what made you and your husband want to become foster parents?  How did you get into it?

Until 2013, I was unfamiliar with the term "foster parents" or the concept of fostering. However, I had always felt a calling from the Lord to advocate and care for abused and orphaned children. Throughout my Christian journey, He had consistently communicated this to me. I often envisioned myself surrounded by many children, either teaching them, giving them gifts, or caring for them. These visions became clearer when I felt a strong pull towards teaching Children's Sunday school and when I frequently received prophetic messages from ministers of God about caring for children. The Lord revealed to them that caring for underserved children in the community was an integral part of my ministry.

Each time I received a message from the Lord, I would pray, asking for His will to be done. I always prayed that the man the Lord chooses for me as my husband and life partner would support this vision.

  It's essential to realize that your vision or calling requires the full support of your spouse to succeed. As a married person, you'll know a vision or calling is from God when your spouse joyfully works alongside you to fulfill it.

“Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” Amos 3:3

As previously mentioned, I wasn't aware of fostering until 2013. While I was still waiting for the Lord's guidance on how to care for this special group of children, a family friend, who was an experienced social worker, visited us. We were living in Boise, Idaho at the time. She was a wonderful lady, older than my husband and me, so we affectionately called her "Aunty." We started discussing her work with children from when she lived in California, and she mentioned that she used to foster children in state custody when she relocated to another state prior to coming to Idaho. Intrigued, I asked her more about foster parenting, and soon I felt a stirring in my heart that this was God's answer to my prayers. This was how He was guiding me to start my ministry outreach to children.

When I discussed it with my husband later that day about becoming foster parents, he felt it wasn't the right time to move forward and suggested we wait. I agreed, believing it was the Lord speaking to him, indicating that although we had been given an "open door," it wasn't time to step through it yet. A year later, I mentioned it again, and once more, my husband said it wasn't the right time, advising us to wait a bit longer. I sought the Lord and felt at peace in my spirit that it still wasn't the time, but I decided to start my research on foster care.

By the summer of 2015, God started making changes in our lives. My husband received a promotion that required us to move to another state. This was an answered prayer and a wonderful opportunity. Several weeks later, he went ahead to New Mexico, while the children and I stayed behind to complete my healthcare externship program.

By the end of October, we had joined him in Albuquerque. A few months later, my husband told me he believed it was time to start the process of becoming foster parents. I immediately felt peace in my heart, knowing it was the right time. Everything became clear. God is a God of time and season; everything happens in His timing. Daniel 2:21-23, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. He wanted us to start this ministry here for a purpose, and today we understand why He chose New Mexico.

What have I learned along the way?

I have gained a deep understanding, particularly about myself. God has been faithful at every turn. Here are the lessons I've learned:

• I cannot accomplish anything alone; I rely on God's strength, wisdom, and guidance daily.

• The support of my husband and children is crucial. It is truly a family ministry.

• Patience, tolerance, and compassion are vital qualities.

• Self-care is essential, not optional – Caring for yourself is necessary to effectively care for others.

• Flexibility: Each child and situation are unique, and adaptability is key.

• Advocacy is important – Foster parents often become the child's strongest voice within systems.

• Family Dynamics- Family can be defined in diverse ways – Foster parenting shows that love, rather than biology, creates a family.

The journey with fostering or foster parenting has been quite an experience! Everything I've mentioned above is what keeps me from saying, "Lord, I give up," even though the thought has crossed my mind on a number of occasions. There have been moments of laughter, plenty of tears, big wins, frustrations with the system, and more. Despite it all, it has been a rewarding experience, and I am grateful to God for using us as vessels to care for these precious little souls who didn't ask for what they've been through and, in some cases, are still enduring. The trauma for these kiddos is real!!

The journey continues......................................

Please share your thoughts and any questions you may have in the comments section. I would love to hear from you.

I remain yours in the faith,

Margaret (MKO)